Yes things happened with me and Jenny, and it just so happens that Liz gets her hair cut at the same place where Jenny gets her hair cut, and Tom does, and I have come clean with Tom about it all, and I am sure he has talked with Liz, and since Liz is a gossip hound (not that I don’t like her, or gossip for that matter) I am sure it made its way back to you. We all make mistakes and this was another of mine, but in some strange way, I think it has ended up helping me. She has become desperate and a little crazy at times as I have steadily extracted myself from the situation. When I have had to deal with that drama, I have realized how you must have felt at times, especially during the period after you moved out when I was so sad and desperate myself. I am trying to be her friend, and she keeps writing these things about me, and I am afraid that we might not be able to be friends at all, at least not right now, which makes me a little sad, but may be the way things have to be.
I have dated and been around others since we split as well. It has been good, with much less drama than the Jenny situation, but with each person it just hasn’t felt right. I have searched my brain for what is off-kilter and the only thing I can come up with is that these women are not you. I realize that is not fair to these women, or to you for that matter, but you are the yardstick by which I measure things right now. There might be someone else who comes in and blows my doors off like you did one day, someone who makes all other yardsticks useless like you did, but that hasn’t happened yet.
I am sure that you wish at times that I would stop pining about you like this. At times, I wish I would too. I have tried everything I, or my therapist, knows how to do, and you still are there.
At the end of every day, I roll over to where you used to sleep beside me. I embrace a pillow, and, yes, I still pray. Tonight I will pray for the heavy heart you mentioned today. I used to pray for God to see a way for you to come back to me, now I just pray that he will show you a path to happiness and light. I pray for other things and people as well, but you are generally the first on the list. I ask Him to lift you up, and sometimes I ask him to fill your sleeping heart with the love that I still have for you. I hope while dreaming you feel it sometimes.