Today began almost like the others, a small emptiness in the stomach, 300 mg of Wellbutrin, skip the Cheerios, had no Diet Coke in the house. Stayed up too late last night working on the new laptop that my aunt just bought me and from which I am now wirelessly writing this. Long story about working on it, but now I have it up and running, but cannot connect to the AJC network. I need to revert to a previous version of the OS. Does this bore you? It kind of bores me, and I know what I am talking about. Too much time spent on technical dilemmas.

Anyway, I awoke and got up and made it out the door 300 mg heavier but 3 lbs. lighter than I was last week at this time. I am glad to be losing the weight, but am thinking of going to see a doctor to make sure that there’s not anything else wrong. In fact the weight loss is one of only two things that I have been able to recognize as being purely good about my current situation. The other thing is that it makes work and all of the things that I previously viewed as troublesome look much more rosey. I look forward to going to work most days, and my dreams for the future don’t seem so insurmountable, if I can make it through this type of time.
G and I have not talked since Tuesday. She called yesterday after work but I was at my therapist for our midweek session. I called and left a message and texted her trying to get her to call me back, but she never did. I may have come off as too desperate, although I had had a relatively peaceful day. I don’t know. After getting back from dinner with T, I started into a bit of a panic. It was too late for us to talk I knew but text messages seemed weird between us. I became convinced that she was mad, or miffed, or something with me. My fingers rapidly fired off text after text from my cell phone. Although she responded that she was not mad at all at me, I could not believe it. Why did she not just write earlier and say that she had just called to say hello, and that it was now getting late and we could talk tomorrow or something like that? She had just ignored my first text of the night, just as she never responded to my email asking her if I could convince her to come with me to the Magnolia Electric Company show on Friday. I became panicked and a little desperate and felt like I was losing ground on the progress I have been making. Calm, calmer, calm, calm.
But you know what, I woke today and my day was much like yesterday. I felt relatively at peace. I came home from work and felt that missing sensation pretty hard, but I pulled through. I went out to dinner with M, Chinese out on Buford Highway. I came home and texted with G before she went to bed, things seem okay. I felt like she may be irritated with me a little, but then I talked myself out of it. I sat down and got this computer running so I could write this. Soon it will be off to bed and a little time with “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius.” It’s all okay. I know it will be. I feel that I am getting better. I think I am finally starting to feel the medication. All of that is fine. I still wish that the pillow were G though, and that she were laying there breathing that slow sleeping breath as I begin the second half of the book tonight. Can’t blame a boy for dreaming, sometimes they come true.