She met this guy at a bar in Austin, Texas. She’ d graduated from UT about six months earlier and was drinking hard and taking drugs when she wasn’t waiting tables for minimum wage. He was originally from St. Louis but was in town to see his grandparents before he headed off for the Army. They got talking and at some point – she never made the time-scale clear – they decided to get married.
She said she was tired of feeling lost and lonely, her thoughts distressed her, that this could save her. He was kind, smart, gentle; he was funny. They figured that instead of letting what they’d found fall by the wayside they’d do somethig about it. And that’s the reason you marry someone. Right?
The day after they were married he started basic training, their only means of communication was by mail. She was lonely again, but at least now she had hope. When basic was over they got together and it seemed that they still wanted the same things from life, from each other. So now she’s living with him in North Carolina and life is slower, safer. She loves him, worries about him; and he loves her, too. She said that now she finally has someone else to think about instead of just concentrating on her own hang-ups. She said that she couldn’t handle any criticism of what she’d done – not that she expected me to be critical. She said a lot of things.
Whatever she has to do, however long she has to wait, she still wants me in her life, still needs my support.
How, when disaster is looming with such imminence, when sooner or later this crazy world of hers will coming crashing down, can I tell her that I never want to see her again?
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