I guess I wonder in some ways if you told me about Nate and you, and the absence of a relationship between the two of you, as a means of trying to sway me from moving to Austin. I mean, as Robert pointed out tonight, of course I say I don’t want to hear about the two of you breaking up, or any other news really, but, at the same time I relish every tidbit and am happy for myself at least on some level.
Of course I’ve wanted you to say something that would make me not go. I have wanted lots of people and institutions to do something that would make me not go.
I know that things are going to be okay for me and for you both someday. I just still can’t shake the feeling that I was so much more content with you in my life.
I think those days are gone though. I go every Tuesday to exorcize that line of thought.
I don’t believe that it would be good for me or you to really be back in a relationship with each other, at least now, and possibly ever. I have to let that go and I am making progress. You are the main reason I have found to stay, but if I believe what I say above, that’s no good reason.
It’s amazing that I can read the self-help books and go to the therapy sessions and then when facing the difficult situation, when facing you and all of these mixed-up emotions, I cannot figure out what to do.
I love you. I just don’t know.
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