I started this blog tonight, February 1st, 2006, because I realized that I have much more to say. The audience for bullpencatcher has grown to a state that I no longer feel comforatble bringing everyone down with moanings about you, about how much I miss you, and how much I love, and all that. Frankly, I hoep to make BPC a slightly happier place. It can represent that one side of me that I finally have gotten back. The fact is though that I still have so much to say about you and I not being in each others’ lives so much anymore. It hurts many nights, and days. It has been almost 5 months since you called it quits with me. I know we still excahnge the occasional email, and those are nice. It’s good to know how you are doing, but it is no substitute for you being here with me, or me there with you, or just the occasional dinner. I miss the kisses, the hugs, the sex, the stories, the laughing, the singing, the drives….
I guess ultimately this is a place for me to keep things hidden from others, but where I can work them out myself. I don’t even know if I will ever tell you that this place exists. Maybe one day I will. Maybe one day it will seem right. Mainly it is just for me right now. A place where I don’t have to posture or hold anything back. If you ever do read it, I hope you will realize that it is a testament of love, the closest I can do to a Taj Mahal.
B
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