Leroy came by today. He fixed the flat on his bike so he’s back rolling rather than walking, although he still hasn’t started to put on weight. I gave him a handful of change because he said he was hungry. He’s always hungry. I guess that’s the nature of living like he does.
We also finally interviewed the woman from Houston today, and when Kristie wrote, “Do we love her?,” I responded, ” I believe we do.” That might mean some relief at the job if it all works out. I just don’t know how long it takes to get someone to Atlanta from Houston. How long does it take to pick up your life? She’s younger, less encumbered.
And the wart that’s been gone from my left upper arm for several years now is coming back. WIth the workplace stress, and some of the issues going on in friends’ lives, it very well may be a worry wart. I am chock full of the old “imposter syndrome” lately. Feeling that I haven’t paid my dues, nor do I have the skills and training, to be where I am. It just feels like I work hard and a lot, but I don’t feel like I accomplish much. I am not sure how to measure success as a manager. I talk a lot to people. Make long-term plans. I seem to stay bogged down in the day-to-day grind. The list gets longer. Never shorter. Maybe if we can get the Houston girl, since I hunted her down, that will be some small victory and will put things into place for better progress.
Last night I did the lazy thing that I always swear that I will never do. You know if you order Domino’s and you are worried that your neighbors will see the delivery driver when he comes, that it is something that you should not be doing. I don’t know why I feel bad about it. It fits into that “I am sad about living in hyper-consumeristic society” thing. The same thing that I get so many days while eating lunch and people watching. I went for a few years without it, but now it has returned, although with a little less force.
When the delivery guy gets here I want to yell back into the house, “Honey, the kids wanted Diet Coke right?” And then, “You wanted the breadsticks with the cheese on top, right?” Like if I had a family and kids the consumerism and bad food choices would be more acceptable. Or maybe I just want the delivery guy to think I have a wife and kids. I imagine it is something that we could work through in therapy, but today is the second week I have missed that as my therapist is having a bad reaction to some cancer medication. My friends joke that it may just be his way of getting rid of me, or more politely, of telling me that I am healed.
I guess the flames of this feeling were fueled by an article I read in the NY Times Magazine this weekend about all of the plastic pollution in the ocean. There’s an area in the Pacific that is as large as Texas. Trash as far as the eye can see. It seems that the plastic comes from all over the world and wash up on these things called “collector beaches.” One of which is in Alaska, 100 miles or more from any real civilization. What would anthropologists make of that if the world were decimated and the species started all over again? Would there be anthropologists if the species began again? My favorite quote from the article:
“If you go to Subway, and they give you the plastic bag, how long do you use the plastic bag? One minute. And how long will the polymers in that bag last? Hundreds of years.”
-Lorena Rios, an environmental chemist at the University of the Pacific
When I went to the market to buy cigarettes, beer and ice cream tonight (to make sure all of my vices were covered) I asked Bobby could I buy one of their eco-friendly cloth bags. He said he wasn’t even charging me for it as long as I would remember to bring when I come shopping there. I will try, but it does seem a little like trying to put out the fire at the end of the world with a watering can.
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