I must warn you all that this one will be boring. Today has been pretty awful on a lot of fronts. This will not be a piece where I will wax poetic very much. It will simply be me purging myself of the demons of this day.
I awoke this morning with JT on the sofa. We had approximately an hour and a half left together after seeing each other regularly in two different cities for the last week. We would board the MARTA train and travel to 5 Points Station together, where I would get off and he would transfer to the southbound train, and eventually to a plane back home to Chicago. It was hard not to be sad. This past week has been a pretty good respite from the things that have been perplexing me lately. I was really scared of what coming home alone from work would bring today.
I didn’t have to wait until work was over for things to get tough. I walked in this morning to all hell breaking loose on a couple of projects that I am closely tied to. One was a project that I spent the better part of my Saturday working on. It was like running up a slippery slope all day. By 5 o’clock I started tearing up at my desk and I still had another hour to work. Five o’clock seems like the hour that, if I am going to shed tears, I usually do. Usually it is after I am at home though. Today it was at work. R thinks that it is just habit. That we wear grooves in our brains that cause these emotional responses with a regular and predictable frequency. I don’t really know. I just sat there staring at a photo I was editing, and my eyes started to fill up. The day had been too much.
My car, that is still yet to be paid off, is in the shop and it will take around $1000 to fix it. I have several big decisions to make soon. I am still heartbroken and work is becoming more difficult. Today I felt like I was just treading water, a little lost at sea. I have to meet with my managing editor on Wednesday, and I am sure it is going to be about the crap that is going on. Once I get that over with maybe things will start to look up a bit. Maybe I won’t be trapped in my house without a car anymore. I will have my class tomorrow night, and therapy on Wednesday. Not to wish time away, as we only have so much of it, but I am not very sorry that I am reaching the end of this day.
I’ll try for a happier message next time.
For those of you that cried with me tonight, I thank you.
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