Okay, I guess this is the way it should be. I finally have reached the point that I have stayed up with my friends until way in the morning. Colleen has kissed me on the cheek in front of her other to tell me good night; to thank me for being a good club soda patron. It is too late. I am too old to do this kind of reconnaissance and I want to make everyone happy.
I spent some time time talking to K tonight who probably gave me the best advice – spliced into the middle of tales of anal sex exploits. He told me that I needed to figure out who I was, a scary proposition. Who am I?
He agreed upon my litany that G and I have lots to work with, and although he wanted to kiss me, and me not him, that I was overall a good person, a talented person and that I needed to share that with the world.
I think I am going to be alright. I think I am going to be good. I think I am good. Me and 300 mg of Wellbutrin a day is something I can now sink my teeth into. There is missing and longing and desire, but there is serenity and hope and belief. There’s even God a little mixed in there. I don’t know what some of my friends will think of that, but there it is. Take it as you see fit. I am on an upswing. Don’t worry about me any longer. She’s still the love of my life and I hope that all of you will stand at my wedding with her. But if it is not with her, I know that you will be there equally as well. It will be a beautiful life. I know I have that coming to me. I hope it is with G. I think we both hope that in a way. But if it is not, we will live through this, as sure as yams rise from the ground in the fall.
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