She is usually in her thirties with a string of long-term but essentially unfulfilling relationships with men who work in the public sector. You should be alerted to her tendencies when one of her first questions enquires about either: a) Your birth sign; or, b) The name and number of your aromatherapist. This woman is to be avoided at all costs.
Early on in the relationship – which she will only persue if your auras are compatible – she will insist on a number of incomprehensible tarot card readings which will later increase in frequency to eventually (within two years) replace sexual contact. At some point in the first three months you are likely to return home to find her weeping uncontrolably in the kitchen. When pressed she will admit to having visited a medium who contacted her late and extremely alcoholic father. Even though the experience has clearly disturbed her she will claim it has exorcised several “ghosts of the past”.
It is certain that she will shun conventional medicine in favour of various quack practices to cure even the most treatable of everday complaints and ailments. So, expect to find blood on your bed sheets when she is treating her cystitis with crystals.
Every freak and fundamentalist is a certified evangelist. Be wary as she will try to convert you by a combination of lacing your food with various unsavoury potions and covert hypnotic suggestion. The best way to protect yourself is to tell her that everthing she believes in is a pile of horse-shit and throw the witch out into the street. Be sure to paint a pentangle (preferably in goats blood) on your door to prevent her gaining re-entry.