The story that broke over the weekend about Bush/Cheney escalating covert activities in Iran, possibly indicating a build-up to armed confrontation with the country is not surprising, is it? Especially interesting is this quote from the article: President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney have rejected findings from U.S. intelligence agencies that Iran has halted a clandestine effort to build a nuclear bomb and “do not want to leave Iran in place with a nuclear program,” Hersh said. Haven’t we heard it all before? The President’s logic seems to be, “I understand that we spend big bucks on all of these intelligence operations, recruiting and training smart people to carry them out, but in the the end, Dick and myself and our buddies are a lot smarter than all of them.” It’s infuriating to see the U.S. embroiled in the war in Iraq, having gotten there on false pretenses put forth by the administration, and then to see the same thing happening again now. Now, just as with the Iraq invasion, you can’t help from feeling that ulterior motives are involved. In this case, it’s hard to believe that the November election is not fully part of these new activities. So far the polls are pointing to a decent Obama popular and electoral lead. The rhetoric coming from both sides of the race is the same that we have always heard. The republicans will try to paint Obama as too inexperienced to handle military matters, McCain’s veteran status and tenure as a politician will be cast as the obvious antidote. This strategy only works if the Republicans can convince...
I have a VHS tape of me winning the silver medal in a wrestling tournament in high school before the nerves got to me and stopped that sport, I never could do anything like this...
Outside the morning birds are singing: Doo ree doo, doo ree doo, ree doo, ree doo, doo, doo, ree, ree, ree. Not trailing off in a doppler way, but in a song of their own. I should not be up this late. Should be asleep. Faced too much art market, divorce market, break-up market, make-up market. Too old to spend this time in bars. In bars, as most of us, looking for connection, love, acceptance, novelty. I start with birds. I end with me. Women can do anything that the boys can do. Insulate me from this world. Show me your paintings. Let’s love one another in a melting igloo, or at least, let’s love each...
My therapist has not called me back. It’s not that I need it. It’s like a friend said, “you go to it because you like it more than you need it.” I agreed at the time, but I cannot underestimate the benefit of a weekly unloading of all of the “snakes in my head.” There’s always a peaceful serene feeling when leaving, even when I am leaving in tears. He hasn’t called though, and I am worried. I guess you may thing that’s selfish. He was diagnosed with lung cancer a couple of years back. Has been receiving aggressive therapy, and generally seems to be doing okay. I guess it wouldn’t be right for him to let on otherwise. I just don’t know. I went so far today as to search the obituaries on the newspaper web site to see if there was any news there. I was glad to find none. Even given my problematic relationship with God, I have spent time praying for him on my nightly rituals recently. Today I daydreamed as I was driving home, dog-tired, what I would feel like if I found out he was no longer with us (can’t even say the words). I started to weep in the car. Like I had lost a friend. I pay to go see this person once a week and he knows more about what goes on in my head that anyone else in the world (including myself), I know nothing of him except I think he has grand kids, and a daughter, possibly a wife, and this growth in his lungs of which I...
Leroy came by today. He fixed the flat on his bike so he’s back rolling rather than walking, although he still hasn’t started to put on weight. I gave him a handful of change because he said he was hungry. He’s always hungry. I guess that’s the nature of living like he does. We also finally interviewed the woman from Houston today, and when Kristie wrote, “Do we love her?,” I responded, ” I believe we do.” That might mean some relief at the job if it all works out. I just don’t know how long it takes to get someone to Atlanta from Houston. How long does it take to pick up your life? She’s younger, less encumbered. And the wart that’s been gone from my left upper arm for several years now is coming back. WIth the workplace stress, and some of the issues going on in friends’ lives, it very well may be a worry wart. I am chock full of the old “imposter syndrome” lately. Feeling that I haven’t paid my dues, nor do I have the skills and training, to be where I am. It just feels like I work hard and a lot, but I don’t feel like I accomplish much. I am not sure how to measure success as a manager. I talk a lot to people. Make long-term plans. I seem to stay bogged down in the day-to-day grind. The list gets longer. Never shorter. Maybe if we can get the Houston girl, since I hunted her down, that will be some small victory and will put things into place for...
The screaming you hear is coming from me, down here, on the first floor of the news room. The terrorist stands on the mezzanine level and she, yes SHE, begins to speak. The voice bounces off of the ceiling and even a whisper can be heard as in the Capitol Rotunda. The threat comes and sounds like this: I went to a baseball game yesterday, and I did not watch one play of the game, I cannot tell you who won, or who was really playing, but it was really fun. It was just like a big party. Please! Let the terror stop! Workplace waterboarding, 8-hour-a-day Mexican pop music, or every-minute spoonfuls of wasabi would be more...
Getting into the shower tonight I had a flash of junior high. The humidity and temperature the last few days has been mild. Today’s temperature was too, but the moisture built up throughout the day and made it so that the temperature clung to you, inside and out. Impossible to not immediately sweat while outside, shivering inside in the conditioned air. Getting into the shower with a chill and feeling the contrast of the hot water and cold skin took me back to when I was a child, showering at night in preparation for school the next day. I could smell the hallways, feel the fear of girls, the rubbery smell of the wrestling mat, the taste of trough water during football practice. It’s an emotion that is discomforting and nostalgic at the same time. Sometimes I forget what those days were like. I think my life to be so complicated now in comparison. During the flashback, I was reminded of the complex internal and external negotiations that made up everyday school life. The fear of girls mixed with the hormonal longing for them. The lack of any experience to that point that would allow me to navigate through those rough waters. The chuckle that Coach Webb got when I called my lower body garment “breeches.” Now I realize that the joke was largely on him. He was a gym teacher after all. I wonder what became of him. Probably 30 years old at the time. Younger than I am now by 4 years. If that was 1988, he would be 50 or so now. Does he still torment...
“I become a transparent eye-ball; I am nothing; I see all; the currents of the Universal Being circulate through me; I am part or particle of God.” Cryptic post made after sandwich from CPM.
Why? Why…? Not sure… I do think there’s wisdom in the last post though. Last night was the first time that I really missed you being around for dinner. I ended up with Tom and, well, he’s just not the same as you, for many reasons.
1) Grateful Dead – some of the songs are classics. If you think I am a fool, you are not listening. You are more afraid of being considered a “deadhead,” being part of that culture, than just plain disliking the music. Most people who claim not to like the music cannot name a single song even though they know 20, much less say why they don’t like it. We’re too old for this. Get over it. 2) Dirty Dancing – I was forced to watch it as a teenager by my, now dead, chorus teacher on days that she did not feel like teaching. Saw it again over the weekend and it’s a good movie. The main characters all show substantial growth. They are all sympathetic. And it’s a coming-of-age story: Jennifer Gray’s character has to deal with growing up and dealing with a world that she know nothing about. I prefer my coming of age stories to be about boys, as it is easier for me to identify with, but thankfully this one is not a male coming-of-age...
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