So it’s the first real weekend of the new year and what will you do? Try to find something that will make you believe this year will be better. Set the thing off right. There’s been too much confusion, angst, anxiety, analyzation, and analysis. The best I could do at this point is to water and fertilize my growing spine and hope for a quicker recovery from my rusty resolution. Stop prostrating myself before the gods of self-pity, absorption, indulgence. I’m not so bad. Just frantic lately. Maybe, it’s the drugs. Oh yeah, although I haven’t written about them lately, I am still on the drugs. Maybe it is me. Slowly, life turns, and returns. It’s time to leave well enough alone, and start making a new life without all of the tears and sadness. This weekend is...
Huh? What you say? Did I hear that just right? I’m out tonight with short lines and crazy mind. If we gonna riff, might as well with this crazy myth. Four and four will maybe two make and inspiration comes for no one’s sake. How did you find your way around this? I couldn’t read a sign if it hit me upside this large head. But if I break with rule it is not because I’m the fool, or maybe I am. Just ask me in the morning, just love me...
Saint Louis is dancing its hair around a chair in the square. I am asking the questions that will cause a pause in the conversation. Does it bother that you stand in a line longer than the other? If I come from over the top it is because of love or loneliness, rather. How heavy is your lid? I wanted this to not be the USSR. Come up to the front of the queue, I have always thought the answer was...
Why the rush toward definition? Tonight I should take it easy, at least that is what Steve has been saying. I’ve been making faces at myself in the grey-black blank television screen, my head seems so big and I begin slowly to think of a beach somewhere I’ve never been where I can hear the calm roll over this columna de mi espalda, where my tongue would massage this air into a gambit that could end the game at the start, and in this screen I am painted well full with monobrow, and my statement tells of a more full story, full enough that I could take flight, and be there for the making of divots in a different land, and not just waiting on another arrival, revival or resurrection, that will make my lonely divot a little less...
I am going to save Southern food, your collards and coleslaw and all. I am going to ride on the backs of strange waves off the Georgia coast. I will make it all clear to you all. With love, or without, I can inspire a whole region to betterness. This is the way things go. Potassium pulses through me tonight. I am great and will be greater. This may be megolomania, but at the end of it all… it is me that needs to be taken care of as much as anyone. Here’s a road, and I think I will take...
Clickety click! or that is the way it is supposed to happen. You on the phone tonight way past the point that you should be, but still there. This is two in one day, or three. What will we do with this? This city excites you, and maybe I do too. But at the end of the day we all want to retreat to the beach and fill our jaws with ocean meat, and to make pledges to each other that only a beach will make real. How’s that humidity? How’s that sleepy town? I hope your night makes you new again. I hope it creates great dreams that will teach me and you how we should feel again… after all of...
I know i still love you in these strange ways and it hurts that it is not the way that it used to hurt, but I realize now that it can be something else, that perhaps you have to crawl back into your own cocoon. I could not even find you in a lineup now as the crazy muses make the effort impossible. I can lay down no more, which may be a great effort to you. Happy new year. Happy life. You, and I, will be happy. How’s that, boo? I think I have felt some strange love lately, but it cannot be talked about, because of therapy and talk and gossip… I hope you find it. I think I have, or will, or can hope. I can always hope....
This bed is cold tonight. I get in rooting around for a little scent of you that may have been left behind. Is it the pillow? No. Maybe try the divit in the sheets where you layed. It is there. It is there but will slowly diminish. In fact, in a couple of days I will not be able to exactly recall how you smell. It will then become a memory unattached to any real sense, that can only be awakened by you again, my nose against your nape again. That too will come to pass as you return to the winter heat and humidity of that place you have created – a sunshine city for yourself. I will stay here in the cold, and rain, in this now quiet house, trying to find a way to warm this bed without you – trying to find a way to make that faint scent hang around a little...
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