I saw her today. Three days after we officially were over. I was taking a walk, one which would have taken me by her house, not by design, but necessity. Walking up the front sidewalk and into the house with sofa seat cushions she went. I thought all of that was going down tomorrow night, not tonight. I was trying to be strong. Had been trying all day, but seeing her almost brought me to my knees. Carrying sofa seat cushions is not usually the most romantic image, but she was a vision doing it. I guess she will now have better furniture in her new place. That will be good and comforting. I took a detour and went down through the park and around the golf course so as not to create weirdness or thoughts that I may be stalking. I wanted just as much to run up and hug her. To help bring the sofa in. To have a glass of water. To tell her I love her. To pretend like we were still together. Like I would be sitting on those sofas soon… but maybe...
drunk with his museI don’t know what little readership I have here, but I kind of wanted to tell everyone of my sins. Given my ambivalence on whether God exists and all, I know not who to confess my sins to, so I thought it would be best to admit my sins publicly, and if everyone else could hear it, surely God could hear it too. It is 4 AM on the morning and Grier and I have been broken up for some 10 hours now. My parents have come in town this weekend for a visit, and emotional rescue of sorts, and things have not worked out as well as I had hoped. I awake a few minutes ago with cold arms and tried to warm them and get back to sleep. The split second that it took to decide to put my arms back under the covers was enough, however, to let in the reality of what has gone on. G is gone. She told me today maybe it could work in the future, but it definitely cannot work right now. That we needed a clean break in order to work on the things that we individually need to work on. Hers may be finding out if someone else is more suited for her than I am and I imagine some other things. Mine are much more. I have been bad, very bad. I have kissed another woman once early in our relationship, during the time G says, and I somewhat agree, was the good time in our relationship. It was my mistake. I should never have...
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